I’ve had several conversations lately with people- particularly women- who were making decisions and said they would just “go with their gut” or that they “really felt” that something was a certain way.
In some circumstances, going with your gut is reasonable, such as deciding whether to go on a date with someone or whether to sit in a particular area of a waiting room. You get a sense of people when you first meet them. If you walk into a room, often you can feel tension if there is a conflict going on. But in those circumstances, what’s mostly happening is that you are picking up on non-verbal cues- is someone clenching their jaw when they smile, looking around you, rolling their eyes at the other person in the room?
With a big decision, one that cannot be made by relying solely on measurables like non-verbal cues, you need to be more methodical, more logical. For instance, if you have a medical issue, you can like the doctor, but is what she is telling you in line with the other research you have done and other advice you have been given? If not, you should get another opinion. The same kind of objective analysis must go in to deciding whether to take a particular job.
That is why I was particularly happy to see a new free e-book offering from The Workplace Review, a site which provides reviews of different companies posted by people who have worked there and other resources to use when deciding where to work. The Workplace Detective’s Guidebook provides users with a comprehensive workbook for assessing a job opportunity which can take the guess-work (aka the gut-work) out of the process. Topics covered include Work Environment & Culture, Employees & Managers, and Benefits & Perks. You can also use this book to determine where your dissatisfaction lies in your current position and point you in the direction of a better opportunity, one where you will find more personal happiness and professional fulfilment.
July 30th, 2009
A self-story is a story we tell ourselves about ourselves or our life. For example, I was a smoker for many years starting as a teenager. And though I didn’t think about it, every time I lit up, I told myself the same story: “I am a smoker.” I woke up with that story and I went to bed with that story. For many years, it was a story I didn’t want to be my own, but it was.
It’s the same for binge-eaters, low-earners, and jewel thieves, just as it is for chick magnets, athletes, top executives, and divas. It may start with a behavior or a goal or a mistake, but at it’s essence, it becomes what you tell yourself. Taking a dead end job does not automatically make one a low-earner, just as winning one swimming competition does not make you an Olympian. The behavior or the situation has to become the story you tell yourself for it to stick.
My life as a smoker ended not just when I was able to give up the act of smoking (which let me tell you, was not easy), but when I actually disconnected from smoking. My life as a smoker truly ended once and for all when I saw someone else doing it and did not automatically feel an urge to smoke, when I saw a pack of cigarettes and somewhere in the back of my mind, a little voice reminded me: “I am a nonsmoker.
How can you change your story in order to change your life?
Photo by Dr. Jaus.
July 22nd, 2009
For all of those creative types (some of whom may or may not also be anchored to some sort of corporate job) who want to try outside-the-box, modern-type ways of getting their artistic or crafty (written, sung, sculpted, sewn, etc.) products out to the world directly but who doubt that it ever works, that anyone ever develops a true following and truly GETS PAID for their efforts… well, let me cut to the chase. There’s a book by Scott Kirsner called Fans, Friends, and Followers: Building An Audience and a Creative Career in the Digital Age that gives examples of people who have harnessed the power of the internet, coupled with their own ingenuity and derring-do, and built themselves a solid living doing what they love to do.
Here’s the preview. OR click on the book cover at the top of this post or on this here link to buy the book. (This link takes you to the Momentum Advantage Career Development Store, where you’ll see this book featured. There’s a lot of other cool, inspiring books for you to buy, too, while you’re at it, if you’re feeling dry and need something juicy to get you thinking creatively again!)
Enjoy!
June 25th, 2009
I’ve been giving a lot of thought to stories these days. Earlier in my life, I wrote a lot of fiction. I became very adept at creating characters from scratch and then, during the rewrite phase, changing key aspects of their personalities and lives.
Now that I am a professional writer of resumes and bios, it has become apparent that the lives we lead are often dependent on the stories we tell about ourselves, first the stories about ourselves that we tell to ourselves and then the ones we tell others.
“My career has kind of been all over the place,” I was told by a client over the weekend when discussing her resume. She was apologetic.
What she didn’t know was that I hear that same thing all the time. And in most cases, as in this one, I don’t agree. “No it hasn’t. You’ve had four jobs in the past twelve years and all of them have been in the area of communications. Writing, creating presentations, giving talks…” I said as I surveyed the page.
“Oh, yeah,” the client replied after a pause, her voice betraying some relief and surprise. “I guess that’s true.”
So “I’m a flake.” or “I’m a mess.” turns into “I’m a communicator.” and, with the new resume I have written for her promoting her in that way, she can confidently go out and look for their next job. And even if she still feels like a mess sometimes, as long as the story she projects is “I’m a communicator,” she should have no problem getting hired.
What stories do you tell in your life or in your career that are holding you back?
June 17th, 2009
I was going to do a post about what I learned from witnessing Sarah’s experience of “getting the call” from Oprah’s producers and a week later Skype-ing with Oprah about the furniture swap/room makeover Nate had done in her neighborhood. But Sarah wrote the post about what she learned and it’s essentially what I was going to say. Only better. So click here and check it out. (I even commented!)
April 30th, 2009
I am of a generation with a large population of women who had or are having- or are trying to have- children later in life. The second half of our 30s- and sometimes at the beginning of our 40s- is when we are ready.
We have been chastised, as a group, for waiting too long, thus making the biology more complicated and often less cooperative. There are generally two reasons, two valid reasons, we didn’t have children earlier in life and it has to do with the lessons we learned in childhood:
Lesson #1. Divorce Sucks. We came of age during a boom in the divorce rate. Even if your parents didn’t get divorced, it was happening all over the place. The grown-ups didn’t know how to handle it or how to communicate to their children, so of course it made for a very unstable environment for them.
Lesson #2. Being a working mother is really hard. We saw our mothers- or our friend’s mothers, if we didn’t have working moms- juggling the demands of work and home. They were exhausted and felt guilty and torn by competing demands. We also often heard the working women being criticized by the stay-at-home moms.
So where did those lessons lead us?
#1. We are picky about who we marry. We waited, didn’t settle, sometimes choosing to be alone rather than with someone we knew we couldn’t go the distance with. As a result, some of us weren’t with the right man until we were in our late 30s or later.
#2. We are hesitant to face the competing demands of being working mothers. We took the struggles of our mothers to heart. We worry that pulling the trigger on having a child will make us unable to cope with our job responsibilities and that we, our careers, our marriage, and our children will suffer. As competent as we are in our professional lives, we also worry or that we will simply not be able to handle motherhood.
So here we are. Late thirties/early forties and a lot of us are ready to have children now. And we know the deal. It is complicated. Sometimes biology puts up roadblocks, yes. I have a friend who is 43 and ready to give birth in June and one who has just “pulled her goalie” and is ready to start trying. I also have a friend who is 43 and whose numbers told her a few years ago to not even bother trying with her own eggs. Too late.
And yet the ones of us who really want to be mothers usually find a way. Some go the IVF route, others, like myself, end up adopting. What about the lessons of our youth?
Waiting to have kids with the right person was incredibly worth it. When your child won’t stop crying and it’s the middle of the night and you are both exhausted, being with the wrong person would be glaringly evident and make the situation much, much harder.
Juggling working motherhood, while difficult, is nowhere near near impossible. A lot of the time, it’s logistics. The same qualities that make us successful professionals make us good at figuring out the baby thing. And unlike our mother’s generation, there are systems in place and everyone knows the drill. And those men we worked so hard to find are ready, willing, and able to do their part.
Now that you know we don’t need a reminder, quit asking when we’re going to get pregnant. We may be wondering the same thing and we don’t want to have to discuss it with everyone we know.
Also, if we tell you we’re adopting, quit telling us you’re sure we’ll get pregnant now that we’ve stopped “trying.” We know you mean well, but biology doesn’t work that way. If we do get pregnant and carry it to term, it’s not because we quit trying. It’s a coincidence.
And if you are a woman struggling with age-related fertility issues, give yourself a break. You don’t need to feel guilty for waiting too long. If you want to try the IVF, try the IVF. If you want to adopt, start that process. And if you want to make peace with not having kids, do that. There are no right answers. There is only what works best for you and your partner.
Photo by kton25.
April 28th, 2009
A couple of weeks ago, a producer from “The Oprah Winfrey Show” found Sarah Auerswald through her blog, Mar Vista Mom, as a potential guest on an upcoming show (which she did end up being on and which airs on April 27th).
It was a validation, to say the least, of the path she has been on for the last year, but for Sarah, the mother of two elementary school-aged boys, Charlie and Oscar, the journey started twenty years ago, in a world before blogs. Dare I say it– in a world before The Oprah Winfrey Show.
We caught up with Sarah recently to ask her about her two careers, before and after motherhood.
What was your pre-motherhood career?
I was a script supervisor, mostly on episodic TV, some movies.
Describe a typical work day at that time.
Arrive at work at 6am, assemble the day’s scenes for note-taking. Start prepping camera roll numbers and sound roll numbers with those departments. Watch rehearsals with the director and actors, do camera blocking. Make sure all departments know the scene numbers and take numbers as we progress through the day. Keep continuity on the actors’ movements and wardrobe and props. Relay all information regarding printed takes to the camera and sound departments and to the editors. And all the while paying rapt attention to the scenes as they are filmed.
We worked minimum six hours before a lunch break and then another six or more after that lunch break was over. There were moments of downtime, where I could get up and stretch, but mostly I sat in a chair and wrote down notes on what we filmed all day.
At times, I would have to negotiate personal politics when I performed my job duties, as some actors preferred not to hear when they had said a line wrong, and some directors preferred not to hear when what they shot wouldn’t cut together.
At the end of the day, I filed a report with the production staff to let them know how much work we completed and then I turned in all my notes to be copied for the editors.
Were you happy with it when you left?
No. Would you be? Did you read that list??? But seriously, no. I had become very burned out. I loved it when I started out, but by the end of 14 years, I was really done.
When & why did you leave?
I left in 1999 when I was pregnant with my first son. The hours were just too long for me to stay away from my son, and at the time I got pregnant, I didn’t actually have a job, so since my husband did, it made sense for me to stay home, on many levels.
When & why did you decide to return to the world of work outside the home?
Well, I started trying to make a business a few years ago, I guess about 6 years ago. I wanted a creative outlet and some income. We needed the money, as it had been a hard transition from 2 to 1 incomes. But that business limped along and I had another baby as well, so it didn’t get off the ground in the way I needed it to. It also needed so much hands-on time from me — I couldn’t keep up.
What do you do now?
So now I’m a blogger and a Virtual Assistant. I am so happy with them! I am so flexible now. I can do so much of my work whenever I can fit it in, the computer is very portable, not like a sewing machine. Much better! So actually, I mostly still work IN the home. I love blogging and the community I’ve joined on mom bloggers on the internet.
How, if at all, is it related to what you did in your previous career?
Not related at all.
Describe a typical day.
Get up, start the computer, check emails, see what needs to be done today. Get the kids off to school, then write and make calls, then I’m available for the kids in the afternoon for snacks and homework and hanging out and making dinner. I love being there for my kids AND being able to get blogging done. We all do our homework together now!
What’s the best thing about what you do now?
The flexibility.
What’s the worst thing about what you do now?
I guess it’s the fact that I have so much to learn about the internet and computers that I’m constantly being challenged to learn a new skill, like installing google analytics code, sometimes it hurts my brain. But a challenge is good. It’s better than being bored by it.
Where do you hope to go with your current career?
Writing can lead so many places. I haven’t seen that far in the future yet, but I do know I hope to make more money as I go. I’d love to be able to support the family with my writing.
Click on the logo below to visit Mar Vista Mom:
April 23rd, 2009
I have (in no particular order) this blog, another blog, a career consulting and resume/bio-writing business, a corporate job, two or three book projects (depending upon the day and my mood) (here’s one in progress!), a baby, a husband, and a (highly-selective) reality TV addiction. (My day starts at 5:30– that’s how I do it. Thanks for asking.)
As you can imagine, I have quite a to-do list. Sometimes it gets a little overwhelming. What do I do first!?
Now, of course, anything up against a deadline and/or paid work takes precedence, but then what?
If all of the items have basically equal weight, I have learned to start out by doing the things that allow others to work. For instance, I will send a project description and request for a quote to my graphic designer, send the copy for a brochure to the printer, give my husband the list for Costco (thanks, honey!). That way, I have not only crossed something off my list, but gotten someone else moving, too.
Then, by the time I finish writing the blog post for this blog or editing a profile for another, I might actually have the quote back or a proof of the brochure. It’s like getting twice as much done!
Give it a try!
April 21st, 2009
It's Good to Be King
How many times do you think Denis Leary was told his dreams were too big? How many agents didn’t want to rep him, how many clubs didn’t want to book him? How many friends told him to maybe try something else? How many empty rooms he did stand-up in, how many hecklers he endured? How many pitch meetings were cancelled because the executives thought his career was over, when he knew it had just begun?
Think about that the next time you are watching his critically-acclaimed, long-running FX show, Rescue Me, or reading his best-selling book, Why We Suck. (Good job, Denis!)
April 16th, 2009
Like It's His Job...
My almost 18-month-old son, Ben, is obsessed with pushing things around. Anything that is on wheels that he can get behind, he’s all over it.
He has two techniques that he uses. The first one involves getting going as fast as he can for as long as he can until he crashes into something and then crumpling to the floor while screaming.
The second one, which he developed recently, is all about creating a deliberate path, course-correcting as he goes along, and going very slowly. It’s kind of his own version of the tortoise and the hare, if the hare had crashed into things and then totally freaked out.
His first technique is more fun (he often laughs as he speeds along) and sometimes it makes sense to go at a breakneck pace until you hit a wall, especially if you can avoid the post-crash drama. Other times, especially when you are in a tight space, it makes sense to use his second method, inching along and shifting slightly every so often. The trick is to know when is appropriate to use each technique.
April 15th, 2009
Next Posts
Previous Posts
