Posts filed under 'personal stuff'
Sometime in January, I read an article in Success Magazine called 44 Ways to Jumpstart Your New Year. The first item of 44 recommended we make one change in our lives for a period of one month. (The other 43 items were nice and helpful, but this one was the winner for me.) The idea was to do something new that you had thought about but had not done, such as meditating for 20 minutes each day or not watching television.
My deliberate change for the month of February was to only listen to music in the car. It may not seem like much, but for a somewhat addicted NRP listener, it was a pretty big change of routine. (Though it was helped by the fact that the local NPR station has decided to play the BBC during my morning drive time. I don’t even like the BBC when I’m in London, much less in Los Angeles.)
My other changes were a side effect of going to see a naturopath in an attempt to get sick less often and have more energy overall. They were to keep a food diary, have a vegetable with breakfast, cut down on carbs, and eliminate dairy. I also cut out alcohol completely for most of the month (and then cut back on an ongoing basis).
So, how did listening to only music in the car affect me? I found myself feeling more energetic and getting more done in the car. (I pulled over a lot to jot down ideas for projects I am working on in a little notebook I carry with me.) I also pulled out CDs I hadn’t listened to in a while, which was fun. The bottom line is that being in the car was a “different” experience, which was stimulating and obviously got me thinking in new ways.
What about the dietary changes? I had thought I would miss the wine, but what I really missed was cheese. Who knew? Cutting out these things, adding a vegetable at breakfast, and the other changes, made shopping for food and preparing it a deliberate and also somewhat “new,” which I think is a good thing.
At the end of the month, I went back to listening to the talk on NPR sometimes (not in the morning, though), but I am still listening to more music. And although I occassionally partake of the dairy products, most of the dietary changes are ongoing and resulting in more energy.
I didn’t get it together to do an “official” daily change for the month of March, but I am going to implement one today for the next 30 days, which is to do one at least one thing per day that will help me achieve my current #1 goal: to complete an eBook to sell through Your Industy Insider.
Like the blog, it’s about careers in the entertainment industry. (I don’t want to get too specific because I haven’t announced it on YII yet.) Where am I now on creating it? I have a rough outline and some partially-written sections and I am about a quarter of the way through a book on the current layout of the music business. I want to actually have the eBook book launched in 30 days.
Here’s a rough list of what I need to do: Finalize the outline, finish reading the music business book, write a rough draft of the book, get feedback and rewrite as needed, get book cover made, create a page on YII through which to sell book, create bonuses for my Mogul Mindset eBlast recipients who buy the book first, get book formatted and in the correct format to sell, do announcement(s) on YII, create press release, do other marketing for book…
I’m sure I’m forgetting things, but I’ll fill you in on my progress as I go along. I consider a “thing” as either 1) one task if it’s something that can be completed in under an hour or 2) one hour working on something (such as reading the music book, working on the outline or actually writing the eBook).
I am sharing this process not only to force myself into accountability, but because I get a lot of questions about how I get everything done and I am hoping by giving you this step-by-step example, you will be helped in your struggle to fit everything you want to accomplish into your 24/7 life.
Okay, so what do you want to accomplish most right now? Want to take a step a day? Or it there some other daily change you want to implement? Share in the comments!
March 11th, 2010
Close your other browser windows. Please.
Turn off the TV.
Put the baby down.
And the fork.
And the magazine.
Hang up the phone, too.
Seriously, are we all out of control or what? We wear too many hats, we have not enough time. So what do we do? Everything. At the same time.
I used to be the dictionary definition of what astrologists consider a typical Gemini. I would have six books of various genres going at any one time. I would tackle my to-do list round-robin style, a little of this a little of that, with multiple items going simultaneously. I’d read, watch TV, and make notes in my journal all at the same time. And when I was done at the computer, it took me five minutes just to close all the programs and browser windows I’d have open.
I thought that motherhood would kick the multitasking madness in me up a notch or five, but it’s almost like becoming a mother broke the machine. Or rather, it showed me the folly in thinking the machine worked that way. Uh, “me” being the machine.
Turns out that recent studies have shown that your IQ goes down ten points when you try to do more than one thing simultaneously. If you’ve ever walked around your house talking on your cell phone while looking for your cell phone, you know that’s no lie.
But there’s something more to it. The tendency to do more with less time makes your brain skittish, always wanting to add to the moment. What else? What else? What else? in a robotic sing-song that makes it difficult to focus on the things you are already doing. (I know it’s not just me.)
When my husband and I aren’t fully present with our two-and-a-half year-old, Ben, we can only fake it for so long and then he does one of two things: If he can, he grabs either side of our face and turns it to whatever he wants us to look at or he turns it toward his own face and repeats a single word request until we respond. (Often our response is “No.” He wants lollipops a lot. “Pop. Pop. Pop.”) If he can’t get us by the face, he just walks around pushing buttons, opening drawers, and pulling at cables until he has our attention. (Nothing like a neglected toddler grabbing for your computer router to snap you out of a fog.)
But aside from really appreciating the artisitic merits of “Abby’s Flying Fairy School” (it’s part of Sesame Street- it rocks), there is something about being fully present at one thing for a period of time that is like resting, it is an echo of a time where there were only nine channels on your TV, all the phones were wired to a wall, and… well, you get the idea. It’s peaceful. (Seriously, kids, NINE channels.)
I try to take this lesson into the rest of my life, with varying degrees of success. Here are some things I’ve learned from experimenting with unitasking, my name for the alternative to multitasking:
1) Email is a huge distractor no matter what anyone says. Having your computer ding (or a pop-up appear on screen) every time an email arrives is like someone saying “Look over here, look over here” at random, frequent intervals while you try to do other things. Just close the email box when you start a project. The mail will still be there when you are finished.
2) Doing one thing at a time will not only make you more efficient, it will give you a healthier sense of the passing of time. When you do one thing at a time, time seems more linear and therefore more expansive. You did this and then you did this and then you did this. Flitting between several things will only make you feel like time is a giant blob and you probably won’t finish as much, thus making you feel even more starved for time than you did when you started.
3) If you make a to-do list and then prioritize it before you start tackling the items, you will be more at peace with unitasking. This will guarantee you are doing the most important thing first and you will be less likely to obsess over the other things you need to do.
4) Reading while the TV is on assures that you will not absorb the content of either medium very well. It may be basic to some people, but not everyone realizes the brain-split that happens in this scenario. (I can’t even listen to music that has lyrics while I am either reading or writing.) You definitely get more out of either of these things if you choose between them.
5) Multitasking is only better when one of the tasks is really automatic, such as folding laundry while watching TV or doing dishes while listening to “This American Life.” I’d go so far as to say having a diversion during these mindless tasks can give you a healthier sense of time. You are not obsessing over how much of your life is passing you by while you attend to these mundane chores. Instead, you are enjoying “Modern Family.” Or even “Abby’s Flying Fairy School.”
As usual, I would like to hear your take on time and how you organize it to its best advantage – or not. Comments welcome, appreciated, enjoyed.
[Full disclosure: I have been having lunch while writing this. What are you gonna do? A girl's gotta eat.]
Know anyone who would like this post? Please share it with them and encourage them to sign up to have MoveYouForward.com’s weekly posts delivered directly to thier mailbox. Also, consider sharing this post on Twitter and Facebook or wherever you go for social networking.
February 18th, 2010
These days sometimes just getting by is all we can do. Different people have different resources in short supply. For some people it’s money. For others, it’s space. For me, it’s time.
Even with my corporate job, my eternal multitude of side-pursuits and creative projects, and ”down time” with my husband and large circle of friends, I used to be able to get things done with some buffer between finishing and the actual deadline. Looking back, boy was I smug about it. Like the juggler throwing the pin behind his back just because he knows he can catch it.
But this was before Ben, the two-and-(almost)-a-half year-old who threw a monkey wrench into my efficient little world almost two years ago now. He’s great, but goll, is he ever unpredictable. Even without trying to throw one behind my back, pins kept dropping all over the place!
Soooo… I’ve had to make some adjustments. I know there are many out there, some with kids, some without, who could use some help with their busy lives, also. I won’t promise you “breathing room,” per se (who can make that kind of promise?), but I think I can give you, maybe just maybe, a little bit less stress about all you have to accomplish in your life.
Step One: Try Batching and Selectively Multitasking- Batching is something I first read about in “The Four Hour Work Week” by Tim Ferris, a somewhat (!) ridiculous book overall, but one with some good time management techniques contained therein.
Batching is doing a particular task less often and all at once, the idea being that because of the focus involved and other ”set up,” doing some little thing like checking email three times a day versus fifteen times a day will save time even though presumably you are processing the same amount of email. Open your mailbox once, start at the top, bang, bang, bang. And before you know it, you’re done with email.
Ditto doing laundry every other week instead of every week. Collecting it, sorting it, washing and drying it, then folding it and putting it away… Same amount of laundry, but it will take considerably less time.
I know right now you are thinking about how much more underwear and socks you have to buy to do laundry less often. Please wait until you are done reading this post. I have more tips for you!
Other examples of batching: Pay the bills twice a month instead of paying them as they arrive. Write multiple blog posts at a time. (This actually works, when I am able to set aside a chunk of time. The blog post-writing brain takes time to rev up, so the momentum builds as you write.) Grocery shopping less often? That’s a no-brainer.
Selective multitasking is something I came up with on my own. Mostly it involves stuff I can do with my baby around, but you don’t need a baby to make this work for you. In my case, I can fold clean laundry and put it away while Ben is playing in my bedroom, as long as he doesn’t get on the bed. So I usually wait until he is around to do this. If I didn’t have a kid, I would fold laundry while watching TV. (I mean, how much brainpower does TV take? You can spare a little for sorting socks.)
Note of caution: Do not multitask willy-nilly. It usually makes all of the things you are doing take infinitely longer. For instance, I usually shut off my email when I am writing blog posts.
Step Two: Cut Back- I realized at the end of last year that in order to start writing on this blog again (I’d neglected it for a while but I really wanted to get back into it), I had to cut back in other areas. I am limiting the number of resume and career consulting clients I am taking. I am writing one less Mogul Mindset eBlast per week for Your Industry Insider (<- click there and then look at the top of the sidebar on the YII site if you want to know what MM eBlasts are!).
Earlier this week, I met with someone who is totally overwhelmed by her job and trying to figure out how to get some balance back. (She’s often at the office 10 hours a day.) I told her (and I would tell you, if you are in a similar situation), don’t do anything except the things where, if you didn’t do them, your boss would notice. This can apply to everyone on the corporate ladder.
Applications for this advice can range from ditching the really elaborate to-do list and settling for something quick and dirty that simply prevents tasks from falling through the cracks to canceling the endless weekly staff meetings- or having a time limit, if you are in charge, and walking out at that point. The first time, they will be shocked and/or indignant, but if you stick to your guns, they will learn to use their time- and yours- better.
Step Three: Prioritize- Having your overall life prorities sorted first makes your day-to-day (and week-to-week, etc.) prioritizing a snap. If your life priorities go 1) making sure loved ones are okay, 2) earning money, 3) being creatively fulfilled, (9 other things), 13) keeping the house clean, you know that finishing that chapter of your novel is going to be higher on your to-do than vacuuming. Always.
Step Four: Allow for Trial and Error- You try to sort the laundry on the bed while your toddler plays on the floor, but every time you do, as soon as you turn your back, he manages to climb on the bed and toss all your neat piles into chaos. Okay, so maybe that’s not a solution for you…
Step Five: Make Peace- Sometimes, you will be just on the edge of missing that deadline. And sometimes, you will actually miss that deadline. And you’ll find that in most cases, especially in the big picture, it’s not that big a deal.
Step Six: Keep Trying- Don’t give up. If you keep at it, you might discover some tricks that do help. You might figure out something to cut back on that you had never thought of and have a moment where you can actually maybe just sit…
by yourself…
in silence…
and breathe.
Don’t hold out on me! I told you my time-saving secrets, now you tell me yours! Please share your accumulated wisdom in the comments section.
Photo by ToniVC.
January 28th, 2010
Okay, so the “before” picture is YOU now. You weigh 344 pounds.
Not literally, but in terms of where you are in your life (unhappy, overworked and/or underpaid, overweight, financially underwater, single, bored) and where you want to be (happy, well-worked and well-paid, fit, financially flush, coupled, stimulated).
How do you get from 344 pounds to 215 pounds (and below)?
You ask Tyler Weeks, the guy in the picture.
This is what Tyler wrote when he determined that he wanted to lose weight, that he had to lose weight (right before he bought the scale that could accommodate his frame and before he started his website, www.344pounds.com).
My name is Tyler, I’m 23 years old, 6 feet and 2 inches tall, and I don’t know how much I weigh; I don’t own a scale that has the structural integrity to weigh me (most scales have a 300lb limit). I am considered by the American government’s health standards to be morbidly obese.
My weight is literally off any Body Mass Index (BMI) chart I can find.
I started my new healthy lifestyle today. A life where I can take my shirt off at the beach. A life where I’m free to sit in a normal chair without it squeaking for its poor little life. A life where I can walk down my driveway without being winded. A life where I can see my daughter marry her high school sweetheart.
A life where I’m not extremely obese.
Now you might not be “morbidly obese” in terms of the distance from where you are to where you want to be, but there are always areas where forward movement could be made (otherwise, why are you reading this blog, right?).
Here are some of the keys to Tyler’s success:
1. He made a firm and specific decision. See above for the firmness. The number of pounds he wanted to lose came shortly thereafter.
2. He was broke it down. On his journal, he recounts using a calculator to figure out the math behind his weight loss project. “At 344 pounds, 73 inches, and living a sedentary lifestyle the calculator said I needed roughly 3,576 calories to maintain my weight of 344 pounds. If on any given day I had more than 3,576 calories, I’d gain weight. If I cut back a little and ate less than 3,576 calories, I’d lose weight.” He followed that up with figuring out what kind of calorie deficit and what kind of increased activity he needed to aim for in order to reach his goal by his deadline.
3. He created accountability. Hence, the blog.
4. He started small. He knew just a little change was all he could handle at first. For instance, instead of going to a salad with dinner, he got potato skins instead of fries. Or got a turkey burger instead of a hamburger.
5. He allowed for backsliding. In fact, he never decided to always be good about what he ate. He knew that kind of deprivation would cause him to backslide. Instead, he let himself have cheat meals, but kept an eye on how many and reigned it in when they started working against his overall goal.
6. He never declared victory (and I believe he won’t). He still has a few pounds to lose and then he’s going to focus on getting fit. It’s a mentality that successful people have, they piggyback or roll in another goal after achieving the first.
You may have a few strategies of your own, but start with applying these six, which have worked so well for Tyler, to the areas in your life where you are a little overweight – or even morbidly obese. Do not be tempted to take on some kind of rigid plan that replaces Tyler’s. Those don’t work. If they did, he would’ve lost the weight before. (He’d dieted many times before.)
If you have no emergency savings account and you have decided you must have one, figure out how much you want to accumulate by your deadline. Firm and specific, remember? Then break it down per paycheck and have that amount direct deposited into a savings account away from your normal bank account. Then figure out where you are going to take that amount out of your monthly budget… and so on. If you want a better paying job, make that a firm decision and then figure out how much better. Etc.
It worked for Tyler, it can work for you. Let us know how it’s going. And if you need help with the job transition, you know where I am.
January 22nd, 2010
As I’ve mentioned before, I have 27 different projects large and small going on in my life at any given time (building businesses, writing books, holding down a job, shepherding a toddler). (If you believe in astrology, you will smile and say, ”of course,” when I tell you I was born under the sign of Gemini.) These tasks and toddlers are all vying for my attention. I have no time for procrastination and yet there are some things I need to do which sit on my to-do list for way longer than they should.
A few years ago, I came up with a trick I use to get those pesky things off my list or get started with anything I am stalled on. I make a deal with myself to do only the first step or even a pre-step. “Let me just write the first paragraph of Chapter Four” or even “Let me find the phone number for the potential baby sitter and put it by the phone for later” or “Let me just fill out one page of the nine-page form in the binder of seventy forms to fill out to complete an international adoption.”
It doesn’t always work, but often I find myself getting some momentum and without even thinking, I have completed Chapter Four, called the potential babysitter or have a baby ready to be picked up in Taiwan (which is how I ended up shepherding the toddler in the first place!).
Be careful. It’s a powerful tip.
January 15th, 2010
A self-story is a story we tell ourselves about ourselves or our life. For example, I was a smoker for many years starting as a teenager. And though I didn’t think about it, every time I lit up, I told myself the same story: “I am a smoker.” I woke up with that story and I went to bed with that story. For many years, it was a story I didn’t want to be my own, but it was.
It’s the same for binge-eaters, low-earners, and jewel thieves, just as it is for chick magnets, athletes, top executives, and divas. It may start with a behavior or a goal or a mistake, but at it’s essence, it becomes what you tell yourself. Taking a dead end job does not automatically make one a low-earner, just as winning one swimming competition does not make you an Olympian. The behavior or the situation has to become the story you tell yourself for it to stick.
My life as a smoker ended not just when I was able to give up the act of smoking (which let me tell you, was not easy), but when I actually disconnected from smoking. My life as a smoker truly ended once and for all when I saw someone else doing it and did not automatically feel an urge to smoke, when I saw a pack of cigarettes and somewhere in the back of my mind, a little voice reminded me: “I am a nonsmoker.
How can you change your story in order to change your life?
Photo by Dr. Jaus.
July 22nd, 2009
I was going to do a post about what I learned from witnessing Sarah’s experience of “getting the call” from Oprah’s producers and a week later Skype-ing with Oprah about the furniture swap/room makeover Nate had done in her neighborhood. But Sarah wrote the post about what she learned and it’s essentially what I was going to say. Only better. So click here and check it out. (I even commented!)
April 30th, 2009
I am of a generation with a large population of women who had or are having- or are trying to have- children later in life. The second half of our 30s- and sometimes at the beginning of our 40s- is when we are ready.
We have been chastised, as a group, for waiting too long, thus making the biology more complicated and often less cooperative. There are generally two reasons, two valid reasons, we didn’t have children earlier in life and it has to do with the lessons we learned in childhood:
Lesson #1. Divorce Sucks. We came of age during a boom in the divorce rate. Even if your parents didn’t get divorced, it was happening all over the place. The grown-ups didn’t know how to handle it or how to communicate to their children, so of course it made for a very unstable environment for them.
Lesson #2. Being a working mother is really hard. We saw our mothers- or our friend’s mothers, if we didn’t have working moms- juggling the demands of work and home. They were exhausted and felt guilty and torn by competing demands. We also often heard the working women being criticized by the stay-at-home moms.
So where did those lessons lead us?
#1. We are picky about who we marry. We waited, didn’t settle, sometimes choosing to be alone rather than with someone we knew we couldn’t go the distance with. As a result, some of us weren’t with the right man until we were in our late 30s or later.
#2. We are hesitant to face the competing demands of being working mothers. We took the struggles of our mothers to heart. We worry that pulling the trigger on having a child will make us unable to cope with our job responsibilities and that we, our careers, our marriage, and our children will suffer. As competent as we are in our professional lives, we also worry or that we will simply not be able to handle motherhood.
So here we are. Late thirties/early forties and a lot of us are ready to have children now. And we know the deal. It is complicated. Sometimes biology puts up roadblocks, yes. I have a friend who is 43 and ready to give birth in June and one who has just “pulled her goalie” and is ready to start trying. I also have a friend who is 43 and whose numbers told her a few years ago to not even bother trying with her own eggs. Too late.
And yet the ones of us who really want to be mothers usually find a way. Some go the IVF route, others, like myself, end up adopting. What about the lessons of our youth?
Waiting to have kids with the right person was incredibly worth it. When your child won’t stop crying and it’s the middle of the night and you are both exhausted, being with the wrong person would be glaringly evident and make the situation much, much harder.
Juggling working motherhood, while difficult, is nowhere near near impossible. A lot of the time, it’s logistics. The same qualities that make us successful professionals make us good at figuring out the baby thing. And unlike our mother’s generation, there are systems in place and everyone knows the drill. And those men we worked so hard to find are ready, willing, and able to do their part.
Now that you know we don’t need a reminder, quit asking when we’re going to get pregnant. We may be wondering the same thing and we don’t want to have to discuss it with everyone we know.
Also, if we tell you we’re adopting, quit telling us you’re sure we’ll get pregnant now that we’ve stopped “trying.” We know you mean well, but biology doesn’t work that way. If we do get pregnant and carry it to term, it’s not because we quit trying. It’s a coincidence.
And if you are a woman struggling with age-related fertility issues, give yourself a break. You don’t need to feel guilty for waiting too long. If you want to try the IVF, try the IVF. If you want to adopt, start that process. And if you want to make peace with not having kids, do that. There are no right answers. There is only what works best for you and your partner.
Photo by kton25.
April 28th, 2009
I have (in no particular order) this blog, another blog, a career consulting and resume/bio-writing business, a corporate job, two or three book projects (depending upon the day and my mood) (here’s one in progress!), a baby, a husband, and a (highly-selective) reality TV addiction. (My day starts at 5:30– that’s how I do it. Thanks for asking.)
As you can imagine, I have quite a to-do list. Sometimes it gets a little overwhelming. What do I do first!?
Now, of course, anything up against a deadline and/or paid work takes precedence, but then what?
If all of the items have basically equal weight, I have learned to start out by doing the things that allow others to work. For instance, I will send a project description and request for a quote to my graphic designer, send the copy for a brochure to the printer, give my husband the list for Costco (thanks, honey!). That way, I have not only crossed something off my list, but gotten someone else moving, too.
Then, by the time I finish writing the blog post for this blog or editing a profile for another, I might actually have the quote back or a proof of the brochure. It’s like getting twice as much done!
Give it a try!
April 21st, 2009
Like It's His Job...
My almost 18-month-old son, Ben, is obsessed with pushing things around. Anything that is on wheels that he can get behind, he’s all over it.
He has two techniques that he uses. The first one involves getting going as fast as he can for as long as he can until he crashes into something and then crumpling to the floor while screaming.
The second one, which he developed recently, is all about creating a deliberate path, course-correcting as he goes along, and going very slowly. It’s kind of his own version of the tortoise and the hare, if the hare had crashed into things and then totally freaked out.
His first technique is more fun (he often laughs as he speeds along) and sometimes it makes sense to go at a breakneck pace until you hit a wall, especially if you can avoid the post-crash drama. Other times, especially when you are in a tight space, it makes sense to use his second method, inching along and shifting slightly every so often. The trick is to know when is appropriate to use each technique.
April 15th, 2009
Previous Posts
