One Way to Find Your Strongest Life

March 6th, 2010

 

Marcus Buckingham is a researcher who has turned identifying and harnessing your strengths and those of others (and, conversely, working around- rather than trying to eliminate or transform- weaknesses) into a series of bestselling self-help books (as well as speaking engagements, coaching programs, Oprah appearances, and, no doubt, eventually a television show).

I’ll admit I hadn’t read any of Buckingham’s previous work, even though several people had recommended his books to me. To me, they sounded too dry. But when an entrepreneurs group I’m a member of chose Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently as a book club selection, I decided to give it a read.

It’s going to sound odd to say, but I didn’t think I liked the book until I was at lunch with a friend, a stay-at-home mom who was lamenting how to get back into the work force now that her child is a teenager, and found myself recommending that she buy it.

A lot of women are dissatisfied with their lives. Stress they don’t understand, emptiness, feeling powerless or worse- worthless. Buckingham’s book starts with a very detailed breakdown of the factors affecting today’s women and how those factors contribute to overall unhappiness or depression. As I was reading the book, I found myself getting impatient with this long-winded and sometimes redundant analysis (”I get it! Get to the solution already!”), but women like my friend would most likely find this information, however excessive I found it, comforting and enlightening.

Many of the stay-at-home moms I know, both personally and as clients, once their children are in school, tend to be unhappier and struggle more with self-esteem than the working moms who are frantically trying to keep their busy lives running smoothly, but who get validation from their roles in the outer world. Buckingham addresses this and explains it in a way that I hope will provide reassurance to the moms. (Hint: It’s not you.)

Okay, so what about the solution? What do the happiest and most successful women do differently? Buckingham’s guidance is deceptively simple, and something I have done, either instinctively or by default, for many years (because there are only so many hours in a day- you have to make choices). He says that instead of aiming for balance, women should aim for imbalance in all areas of their lives, toward those times where they feel strongest. And if they don’t have strong moments in a particular area, they should elimnate that area as much as they are able.

Buckingham supports and demonstrates his theories with stories from his own life and by depicting two women he has worked with and the contrasts between them. I’ll give you a couple of examples from my own life. One of the things I love doing most in my corporate job (in which I have many roles) is hiring. I love to review resumes and then to interview the candidates. The people I enjoy talking to most are often the ones who aren’t right for the job I am filling. If they are open to it, I can tell them how to improve their resumes and better target a job they would be right for.

Realizing this strength (and how much satisfaction it gives me to use it) and knowing the hiring component of my job wasn’t going to get any larger, a few years ago I began rewriting resumes and providing career consulting professionally. Though I still get those strong moments in my job, more often it is through working independently with clients that I garner that type of satisfaction. (Luckily, other areas of the job provide different types of strong moments or I would be forced to consider leaving it.)

After lunch with my friend, we went to the bookstore and she bought Find Your Stongest Life. She liked that it was somewhat automatic, not a complicated process, to align her life with her strengths, and I think there’s a lot to say for that. If you are feeling unsatisfied with your life, and can absorb the process that Buckingham outlines in his book and ingrain it into your decision-making as you go through life, you will, no doubt, feel happier and likely be more successful, too. If you already feel pretty empowered and usually live your life focussing on your strong moments, you can definitely skip this book.

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Related posts:

1. For the Record, We Did Not Forget to Have Kids
2. Tell a New Story, Live a New Life
3. Recommended: Secrets of Six-Figure Women

Filed under: Recommended

Tags: Find Your Strongest Life, Marcus Buckingham