It’s Not Your Fault– Seriously

I’m all in favor of people taking responsibility for things that happen in their life, but two recent discussions I had, one with a stranger and one with a friend, reminded me that sometimes it’s good to recognize when it’s not your fault.

The first conversation was during a job interview I was conducting. The candidate was in her late-20s and was interviewing to make a move from supporting three executives elsewhere to supporting the head of a film company. She was well-dressed, seemed sharp and somewhat confident, but in the background, there was also something tentative about her.

Now, being big on stories of all kinds, to get an idea of the narrative of a person’s career, I always start my interviews (after a little introductory chit-chat) at their educational background and move forward to the present. This candidate had gone to a good school, and post-graduation, had worked for the manager of a very, very successful rock band. (Think U2. The next band you think of after that is the band she worked for.)

I was impressed and it sounded like a good job to boot. ”Yeah, I had five good years,” she said with a smile. It was a joke made because after that, she’d had a series of career setbacks due to budget cuts and company closures. It was clear to me that she had been on a path to being an executive in music marketing before the economy steered her off path and left her feeling she was simply meant to be an administrative support person in any capacity in entertainment rather than targeting that “dream job.”

Nothing against administrative support people in entertainment- a great one is worth their weight in gold. And had this candidate been right for the job, I would’ve snapped her up.

But, long story short, I told her she wasn’t right for the job she was meeting me for and that she needed to get back on her path, find a job in the music business that would position her for the junior executive position that she needed in order to make the leap off the assistant’s desk.

The other conversation was with an actress friend who is taking an acting workshop and recently had an encounter with a sleazy old guy who claims to be a producer, but has neither credits nor internet search results to back up that claim.

Somehow, though, he has weaseled his way into being a recurrent guest at this workshop with the casting director’s blessing. The actress had one conversation with the sleaze, casually (!) referred to her husband and caused him to back off in a flash, no doubt looking for some other innocent young lovely to prey on.

The actress wanted to know what it was about her that drew this type of guy to her. “Are you kidding?” I said. “This town is full of them. If you are an actress, there is no way to avoid running into them. The trick is to get them to go away as quickly as possible.”

Both of these women were relieved by what I had to say. “It’s not YOU, it’s the economy,” I told the job candidate. “It’s not you, it’s the industry,” I told the actress.

And I am happy to report that after returning to her path just a few weeks ago, the job candidate has landed the perfect job in the music industry. And the actress, her mind free of self-blaming garbage, is confidently going about the business of being an actress, knowing that, while sleazy men will no doubt cross her path, she can make the go away in short order.

What have you been blaming yourself for? Can you let it go and move forward on your path?

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